Crazy_Chic

I am a prisoner of war
A silent infidel
A tormented soul
This war is not an earthly battle
Nothing made by man
But an inner war
Of mind, heart and body
My journey through life seems more an assignment
and though I want to stop
I remind myself,
You cant just stop living
'Cuz then you stop giving
and when you stop giving,
Life isn't worth living
This war rages on
Emotions step in.
But soon they too become captive.
I drift between them to make certain they're still there
And then to my horror,
I forgot love
I search for some feeling
But dont find the right one,
My life suddenly hit me
This dark lonely cell
One door and one window
each holds one promise
So I peek out the window
What a beautiful site!
Green hills and blue rivers!
Pure light from above
I want to be there
and live life like that!
So i run to the door
and push with my might,
It did not come easy
But was well worth the fight
I turn back and look at my dank, musty cell
And relise that I had built it for me.
The walls were just words, hardly sturdy at all
The door was just feelings and with a push it fell
That whole cell fell down
With just a few small shoves
The thing i had made for myself was gone
So now here I stand
In this lush green plain,
Were Hope runs like a river
And the soft breeze of love,
Blows the green grasses of life
I know it will rain
And probably storm
But I know I can get by it
Come what may
Because now i am stronger,
I have found day.
and so my war ends
And I am at peace
For i have found freedom
For a time at least.

Im in a state of confusion
and i cant sort it out
its like a giant mess of knots
all tied together
and i cannot begin to untangle it
I'll go one way then another
and loop around somewhere else
I'll start here
and end there
Then have no clue how I i got here
I feel what others feel
only stronger.
I'm missing a part of me.
I think I know where it is
Across the country?
Across the world?
Across the street?
All I know is that it isn'f here
and I'm not whole without it
so I'll keep searching
Here in me
until I find that missing piece
that Keystone
that Completion
My Half.
I'm searching every corner of me
Discovering things forgotten
over weeks and months and years
some of it happy
most of it painful
Hidden answers
Unsolved riddles
Forgotten Ideas
Unfufilled dreams
Glorious days
Beautiful victories
but then more pain
and more sorrow
Regret.
Things I didnt do
And probably should have
Still searching myself
Maybe i missed something?
This elusive thing
slipping from my fingers
always one step ahead
Why?
I ask myself
Why can't I catch it?
I've always had answers before
Why?
When did this start?
My insecurity
My self- distrust
My Confusion.
I can solve other problems
any other problem.
But this one
one little question
With one answer that i cannot find
and no one can help.
I am my own person.
but who is that?
Is it a loud and outgoing girl?
Or a shy and quiet child?
This problem has no easy answer
No quick solution
Why?
Why this pain?
Maybe it is the answer...
Maybe it is part of the journey...
Maybe, maybe!
Nothing is deffinate
Nothing is sure
I'm used to the certain
Not the unknown
Im calm on the outer
Inside is a turmoil
A fight of feelings
So many what-ifs
and should-have-dones
Everytime I find some almost answer
another question pops up
How come?
Why?
I search and search
and nothing comes up
I can't find the words in speaking
But they flow onto paper
Have I always been this way?
So uncertain
So confused
Nothing I've learned is helping my problem
My life is normal
My friends are true
So why?
Why this fight?
Why this trouble?
What is this longing?
What is it for?
No earthly thing can stop it
Nothing i can buy
or make
or do
It's all internal
In my heart
In my mind
My whole being depends on the answer
But i cant seem to find it
I inflicted pain
Upon myself
By asking myself one question.
Who am I?
and another
Why?
What is my purpose?
Why am i this way?
one question became many
and none has an answer yet.
Will it ever be solved?
It's and impossible challenge,
A case with no clues
All I can do is search myself
and look for a sign
Its so hard to keep moving
but then what would I be?
I would be nothing
I would fade from life
So i keep searching
I follow this twisted path
This maze of thoughts and feelings
This journey of pain.
and so much Confusion
Its tempting to settle for less
i want an answer
but it wont come easily
Why this pain?
Why this suffering?
I almost hate myself
for asking these questions
But then I know i would be nothing
I act like Im okay
But I am tormented
I cannot stop my mission
until I've found the answer
It's so hard to continue
when your mind tell you to stop
And the rest of you agrees
But your heart says "keep going"
When you never take a break
What is the purpose?
When there is no evident end
Why?
What?
Everytime I find an answer
It's never good enough
It answers one
But not the others
It causes more trivia
Why do I quiz myself?
When I dont even know the answer
Or how to get it
I need to find an answer soo
So I search farther
Deeper
Harder
Longer
Will this take forever?
This test of knowledge
This self-assigned torture
I'm Looking
and searching
but not finding answers
Will this take a lifetime?
Will I ever know?
And what is the purpose?
Oh these questions!!
They torment my soul!
and fill everyday with Confusion
My state of Confusion
it's taking me over
and changing me from inside
I feel the change
I want to fight it
but not until I find the answer
Im floating around
Blown by the breeze
of half-answers
and false-truths
and uncovered secrets
I used to be grounded
and know who i was
The reason for my being
But lately I have begun to question
Maybe its not me
Maybe its the others
Are they not supporting me?
Am I not supporting me?
More Questions!!
Make them stop!
I cant
I am confused
Please end this
and answer
I plead with myself,
But I am in a prison
A jail
A Chamber
A Dungeon
This is
My state
Of Confusion

I kno u can get bikinis over on the beach but i dont kno how much they cost! does ne 1 kno?

these should be some new emotes:
/punch =you punch the sky /punch(username) = you punch (username)
/kick =you threaten to kick some one /kick (username) =you kick (username)
/paperwad =you throw a paperwad /paperwad (username) =you ping a paperwad off of (username) 's head
/teehee = you giggle happily /teehee (username) = you giggle happily at (username)
/gag = you pull out a gag /gag (username) = you threaten to gag (username)
/fight =you want to fight /fight (username) = you start a fight with (username)


if you have anymore ideas pls add them

I WANNA KNO UR STYLE!!!!!!!!