7 replies to this topic

[trigger happy]

ok...i found that this all fit very well with the story and wasnt like everything else in Nm.....allthough the story wont be added in in Nm lol..ok fist ill tell you the story(which is just to give you idea of how these places came to be)

A long time ago these great and powerfull beings had battles with each other to find out who was the stongest warrior in the lands. they used many things to win their battles including weapons made from special metals and even some of special rocks but mostely these angels used magic to win a battle. as they did this tho they accidently had an affect on the area around them. the flowers grew bigger and stronger and seems to start possesing magical abilitys as well as many of the monsters and creaters that roamed these lands before. These beings were named Seraphic Angels by the people of Nightmist. finaly when all the fighting was over the field of which the "Seraphic Angels" used to fight on had changed and formed a great forest. the people of nightmist ventured out into this forest searching for anything that could tell them more of these beings that was bringing new magic to the earth. finaly after many days and weeks of searching the forest and learning how to survive one man found a circlular crest from which they found had special abilitys. this crest would allow people to walk on water. One day the man that found the crest stumbled unto the Celestial Caves. He found an angel hidden far back in the caves but the angel was hurt. the angel starting casting magical spells and other magical deffensive spells at the man. the man ran out and told everyone in nightmist of what had happened. the people of Nightmist decided to create a monument to this angel and to warn anyone of entering the caves by forming a huge ice crystal inside the cave with the markings; Celestial Caves written on it. the Monument was placed infront of the intrance of the Celestial Caves and on the monument the man placed his crest.the man never forgot what happened and neither did anyone else. He told everyone storys of everything he saw in the caves. The monsters but most of all he told storys of the Ancient Seraphic Angel. the man had come to realize that the angel most likely just attacked him from being affriad. the angel most likely fleed into the caves after a battle to escape death but will not leave and let anyone else leave from fear of the other great angels of finding him. the angel must of created the traps in the Arcane paths by casting spells on certain flowers to send people who smell it back to a certain spot. and he also created room in the Celestial caves to suite him as a house but one room stands out, His lair.


ok thats basicly how these places wear created and all..
now ill give you the discriptions lol


--------First square into the arcane paths!
Arcane paths: You have just entered the arcane paths. In this magnificent place you see many beautiful flowers surrounding you. As you walk you notice that the floor is very damp the further in you go down the paths. You notice that you cannot see the sky anymore as if you had just entered a monument to magic full of paths with only one exit. You may journey further more into this magical place to the East or leave to the West.

---------------The usual square description on paths
Arcane Paths: You are now completely in the arcane paths. You see many trees, flowers, and also many beautiful but deadly monsters. Some of the flowers seem as if they them selves have magic for by looking at their pedals you almost can smell the flower without getting close to it. You realize that this whole place must be made of magic and now you have to find a way out! You can journey further more into this magical area to the East.

---------The entering description for your every step!
Arcane Paths: You have just entered more of the arcane paths. You may journey further more into these paths to the West or go further into these paths to the East.

-----The description for when you enter a room that teleports you back to the first square!
Arcane Flower Nest: You have just entered the Arcane Flower nest and in this place you find a giant flower. For some reason you feel like you must get closer to this beautiful flower and smell it but when you finally smell it you feel your self raise into the air and you fly to the place where you entered this magnificent place.
------------Finale room for which you get the Seraphic Crest …you wear this crest to get threw the Celestial Caves!
Arcane Seraphic Monument: You have just entered a room for which you see many great flowers surrounding a giant stone monument. This monument has something impressed in the front of it. You try and feel it with your hand but instead it falls into your hand and you then notice it’s a crest with a golden robe attached. Vines from the giant flowers surrounding you force you to go behind a tree. Once there you find a cave for which you must enter for it’s the will of the flowers around you. You are forced into the caves!

-------Celestial Caves…the is the first room into the caves
Celestial Caves: You are now in a bright cave with many ice crystals around you of which may be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. You find a huge ice crystal in front of you that has words marked on it you get closer and see that they read; Celestial Caves. You think that’s a suitable name for such a heavenly room. You cannot go back the way you came to the west for the vines are covering the cave entrance now. You may go further into these caves by going East.

-------Second square into the Celestial Caves.(next step east you’d get choices of where to move lol)
Celestial Caves: You are standing in the celestial caves still but this time you notice water on the ground. You put the crest you discovered just moments ago around your neck so you may have a free hand to work with incase you have to pull out your weapons but you notice your feet rise off the ground but you still feel like your standing on the ground. You raise one foot and put it back down and notice that your standing on the water and your best guess tells you this great Seraphic Crest allows you to walk on water. You may journey further into the Celestial Caves to the East or go back the way you came to the west.
-------This is the area where you kill(if you can) the Ancient Seraphic Angel…(to get a special item..Ooo to find out what this item is and what it does you will have to just go threw my area if its implemented in the game…lol good luck)

Ancient Seraphic Angel Lair: You have just entered the great Ancient Seraphic Angel’s Lair and find your self in immediate danger! You find a giant angel standing in front of you with a look of hatred in his eyes.. For some reason the angel yells at you to give him his Crest and is now after you!You may leave this place threw a golden door to the East.
----This is the description of the angel
The Ancient Seraphic Angel stands what must be at least 9 feet and is wearing mostly silver robes that wave around violently as if they’ve got a mind of their own. He has three sets of bright white wings that each expand to at least 3 feet wide and 4 feet long. Golden sandals cover his feet. The Ancient Seraphic Angel is in a healthy condition.


btw the angel attacks with this robes(lol thought it was new enough)

btw....iam creating the map now so if staff would like to view the map it shouldnt be to hard to do..

ty and plz show me any missspelled words or mess ups in grammer with the descriptions...the story doesnt matter much....just typed that as something to explain how these places came to be and they wont be added ingame...now lets hope staff likes this idea and everyone else does!

[alone]

Great.. Amazing.. I didn't read it..

WRONG SECTION.

[trigger happy]

omfg......iam like so sry.i didnt notice...i was to busy like checking for mess ups and crap i forgot i was in suggestions......iam sry

[Charon]

Yes its in the wrong place, but I read it anyway ^^
The story was... hard to read :S

As for your squares; I could show you grammar mistakes, but if I did so I would likely end up attempting to restylise your squares, which you wouldn't like...
So I recommend you run them through a spellchecker of your own instead, or simply reread them yourself ^^

But its highly linear and at all points you seem to be telling the player exactly what they are doing.

And I don't just mean the "You are forced into the caves" I mean the;

"you feel like you must get closer to this beautiful flower and smell it but when you finally smell it you feel your self raise into the air"
"You try and feel it with your hand but instead it falls into your hand and you then notice it’s a crest with a golden robe attached."
"You think that’s a suitable name for such a heavenly room"
"You put the crest you discovered just moments ago around your neck so you may have a free hand to work with"
"You raise one foot and put it back down and notice that your standing on the water and your best guess tells you this great Seraphic Crest allows you to walk on water"

I would advise you to rephrase them giving the player a little more freedom, so they don't start to curse from all the things they are being told they are doing.

I at least would hate being told what I was doing and thinking to that extent



Oh yes, afterthought - " For some reason the angel yells at you to give him his Crest and is now after you!"
Would it be possible to simply give the angel the crest? Or is it just something he says for the heck of it?

Edited by Charon, 11 August 2004 - 12:27 AM.

[trigger happy]

lol ok i see ya dont like my place or iam just stupid lol..i noticed that i was telling ppl what they were doing......and like i said some of it will prolly be changed slightly..which means them parts lol....and i couldnt think of any other way for the person to realize what the crest would do...oh and that part about the angel wanting his crest could be taken out...wouldnt hurt...would infact let me intreduce the rooms things and how it looks lol

Edit: i dont see how the story is hard to read....my cousin and friends read it without a problem..besides the story was just to give the read a little back ground info....and yea ill just replace this into the right spot real fast lol

Edited by trigger happy, 11 August 2004 - 12:32 AM.

[Karri]

I think it's just hard to read because it's all one paragraph and up on a painful computer screne.

[Sneaky]

For some reason you feel like you must get closer to this beautiful flower and smell it but when you finally smell it you feel your self raise into the air and you fly to the place where you entered this magnificent place.

Make that one less....redundant at the end?

I think the storyline could be better... but I like the general idea i guess

[trigger happy]

ok iam going to delete everything on this post....cause its the old one....the new one is slightly different as in desciptions fixed...basicly same thing.....lol take a look


edite....it wont allow me to edite this post so everyone will just have to ignore it......unless staff can delete it?

Edited by trigger happy, 11 August 2004 - 08:03 PM.