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#1 Dc

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Posted 20 October 2004 - 05:35 AM

hey this is a letter i am writing to the superintendent of all san diego city schools, tell me what you think of the letter and the situation thanks :P


My name is Jury O. Byrd IV and I am a student in the Invention and
Design Educational Academy located at the Crawford Educational
Complex. To graduate from high school, you are required to complete a
senior exhibition class, portfolio, and presentation as I am sure you
well know. I believe that this is a great requirement because it helps
to show students what it is like to go through an interview and have a
job in the real world. However, there is one problem with the process
of Senior Exhibition at Crawford. There is a limited amount of spaces
in the Business Environments class, which is what the senior
exhibition class is called. I and four of my fellow students were in a
Business Environments class. We found out that the classes were to
full so we did the school a favor and offered to take the class as
independent study. This was accepted and we went off to do our work.
Though many miscommunications, the teacher of the class thought that
we were not doing any work, and therefore, removed all independent
study students from her class. We were told that because this
happened, we are guaranteed a spot in the business environments class
next semester. We agreed to this, so we thought everything was solved.
About a week later, we were all called into the counseling center and
met with Ms. Veazey and were told that we were not doing work for the
independent study course (even though we were told that there was not
one anymore) and that we would be removed from it if things were not
all figured out soon. We were dumbfounded at hearing this, because we
were under the impression that we were no longer in that class and
that we were guaranteed spots in the class next semester. When we
brought this to the attention of our counselor, she denied ever saying
this. She kept insisting that there were not enough spots. A few days
later Ms. Veazey came to our advisory class and threatened to send a
letter home informing our parents that we were going to be unable to
graduate this year. After having a very pointless meeting with her and
the Business Environment teacher, Ms.Daschle, we were still confused.
The only new information that we received was that we were able to
take a personal growth class at a community college to cover the
requirement of business environments. This would be a good
alternative, except that it would cost a lot of
money for transportation, and would probably interfere with my job.
While I do believe that my education is more important then my job, my
job is also very important. I have to support myself. My father does
not have the money or time to be active in my education. I pay for my
own gas, insurance, supplies, and anything else that I might need. He
does supply the needs to live and pays for the Internet, but anything
extra is just that, extra, and I pay for it myself. I cannot leave my
job, because it would greatly hinder my education as well as other
parts of my life. This is a problem that needs to be taken care of
quickly. I request that me and my comrades are either given a
guaranteed spot in senior exhibition class for the first or second
periods for the second semester, or we are excused from this
requirement. All of us have already completed and internship and we
all have a job. This shows that we have all gone through and interview
and have already completed many of the requirements that would be
completed in the senior exhibition class. I understand that we will
still be required to give the presentation like everyone else, but the
requirement to take the class should be lifted in this situation. I am
coming to you because I believe that you are able to help us. This
situation needs to be resolved quickly and all of the staff at
Crawford seem very confused right now and are unable to assist us to
the extent that we need. Please respond letting me know your thoughts
and plan of action.
Thank you for your time,
Jury O. Byrd IV

P.S. The other students with this problem are Susan Ngouy, Chinh
Nguyen, Thy Nguyen, Jessenia Peralta, and of course me, Jury Byrd
I believe in the Triune God;God the Father, the Son , and the Holy Spirit.I believe that while I was helpless and sinful, Christ died for me. Therefore, I now have the righteousness of God, old things have passed away and I am a child of God. I cannot be separated from the love of God, Christ lives in my heart by faith and therefore, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I have been chosen by God and appointed to bear fruit for God. I resist the devil and he flees from me.

#2 Malavon

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Posted 20 October 2004 - 10:05 AM

You sound like some hopped up nerd from Whales or some nuts


uhh... no, he doesn't.

#3 Prophet

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Posted 20 October 2004 - 11:24 AM

Shouldn't start letter by saying your name, Put it on the top right hand corner of the letter so the format should look something like this

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Name and Adress


Dear Blah Blah,

Edited by Prophet, 20 October 2004 - 11:25 AM.

Si Senior!

#4 sayadin

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Posted 20 October 2004 - 02:42 PM

you spelt address wrong Prophet. But anyways, its very very good... I like it alot. My friend's school is completely retarded. We live in Texas and everyone should know that Texas get extremely hot. Well they banned shorts to be worn at school from girls and men. I'm guessing they want every student to die from a heat stroke if they wear pants.
The Greater the Difficulty, the More the Glory in Surmounting it. -Epicurus

#5 Dan

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Posted 20 October 2004 - 05:11 PM

Not too bad, but I'd reformat it into a business letter such as Prophet mentioned.

I'd also leave out parental finance situations unless you're asked.

Also, if you plan on writing a letter as to rectify your classmates as well as your problem
1. change the word "comrades" to fellow classmates
2. Have them all read and sign the letter
3. add thier contact information on an attached piece of paper
4. Try mentioning finances as little as possible, for you may not know your friends finantial situations.


Lastly, Unless you have a garuntee in writing, you've got nothing.

#6 Shera

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Posted 20 October 2004 - 05:32 PM

It's pretty good. There are some changes I'd make personally to make it make a little more sense however I wont go into that I'll just talk about the content. I'd make it shorter and more to the point if I were you. Try to make it just a page long so that he doesnt just glance over it because he doesnt wanna take the time to read it.

I think most importantly though have you talked to your principle about the situation? I think before you send the letter you need to considering the guy is just going to tell you to talk to him if you havnt so that he doesnt have to deal with it directly. Now assuming that you havnt talked to your principle, when you do talk to him tell him that you are prepared to take this to superintendent if you have to. (that could actually motive the principle to do something)
The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. - Paul Fix

#7 Prophet

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Posted 20 October 2004 - 07:26 PM

you spelt address wrong Prophet. But anyways, its very very good... I like it alot. My friend's school is completely retarded. We live in Texas and everyone should know that Texas get extremely hot. Well they banned shorts to be worn at school from girls and men. I'm guessing they want every student to die from a heat stroke if they wear pants.

I was too busy trying to get the thing to display across the screen.
Si Senior!

#8 Sneaky

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Posted 20 October 2004 - 07:55 PM

This shows that we have all gone through and interview
and have already completed
many of the requirements that would be
completed in the senior exhibition class.


Doesn't sound right... I don't know if you meant to say an invterview or what. Very nice and formal as well, make sure it's broken into paragraph's though, I'm assuming the forum screwed it up.
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deimos the noob said no


#9 Dc

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Posted 20 October 2004 - 08:28 PM

It's pretty good. There are some changes I'd make personally to make it make a little more sense however I wont go into that I'll just talk about the content. I'd make it shorter and more to the point if I were you. Try to make it just a page long so that he doesnt just glance over it because he doesnt wanna take the time to read it.

I think most importantly though have you talked to your principle about the situation? I think before you send the letter you need to considering the guy is just going to tell you to talk to him if you havnt so that he doesnt have to deal with it directly. Now assuming that you havnt talked to your principle, when you do talk to him tell him that you are prepared to take this to superintendent if you have to. (that could actually motive the principle to do something)

my school was broken up into 4 differnt schools this year. so now there are 5 principals. the ones not in my school cant do anything the main one tells me to go to my schools principals, and my own principal is one of the people causing the problems.
I believe in the Triune God;God the Father, the Son , and the Holy Spirit.I believe that while I was helpless and sinful, Christ died for me. Therefore, I now have the righteousness of God, old things have passed away and I am a child of God. I cannot be separated from the love of God, Christ lives in my heart by faith and therefore, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I have been chosen by God and appointed to bear fruit for God. I resist the devil and he flees from me.

#10 Consumed

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Posted 21 October 2004 - 02:07 AM

pretty good... agree with dans sugestions...
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#11 Consumed

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Posted 12 February 2008 - 06:44 AM

how did it turn out? heh... i noticed a few errors reading through this time that i didnt the first time i read it... wish i woulda pointed then out b4 heh...anyways... was kinda curious... heh...


BUMP!! lol
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#12 deadman

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Posted 12 February 2008 - 05:08 PM

Yay let's bump 3 yr old posts! :ph34r:
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#13 Penguin

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Posted 16 February 2008 - 04:14 AM

I <3 DC.




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